unfreshing:

there’s literally no way to tell how many chameleons are in your house

microwavepizzaoven:

i bet you martin luther king jr never dreamt any of this

spicegirlsofficial:

do you realize in scary movies there are always 25 doors and windows in the house that are unlocked

bobtheowl:

frickingloki:

I WAS TRYING TO EAT THE RICE I JUST COOKED AND I HAVE AN ELECTRIC FAN ON IN HERE ON FULL BLAST AND IT BLEW THE RICE OUT THE WINDOW

T H E  D A R K  L O R D  H A S  C L A I M E D  T H E  R I C E

acutelesbian:

acutelesbian:

You never really know someone until you see how they react when their chips get stuck in the vending machine.

Ellen DeGeneres

Ellen DeSelfish

(Source: batyoureyesdear)

tomsjiggle:

one time my friend met pete wentz and she told him he was short and he laughed then when he thought she wasn’t looking he glared at her

(Source: kennerty)